


Scars To Your Beautiful

by IAmDeadLocked



Series: Marvel OneShots [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Pepper and Natasha are dating, Supportive Character, Trans Character, no beta we die like men, pepper isn’t that nice but she’s not horrible either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22044898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmDeadLocked/pseuds/IAmDeadLocked
Summary: Pepper is fed up with all the secrets that Natasha has been keeping from her. So fed up that she decides to call off their secret relationship. Natasha has a choice to let pepper go or tell her the truth she hasn’t really told anyone in a long time.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Natasha Romanov
Series: Marvel OneShots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586806
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Scars To Your Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> I have never in my life written for a a lesbian ship nor have I written for a trans person so I apologies in advance if my portrayal is off at any point. 
> 
> No beta so any mistakes you see are mine and mine alone.

“I just don’t understand you sometimes Natasha. You say you trust me but your actions prove otherwise. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or say to you. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t ...” Pepper pauses to take a deep breath. She turns her back on her secret girlfriend and walks away. 

She’s been secretly dating Natasha Romanov for seven months now. If she’s being honest with herself the last six month have been the best time of her life. She has never felt as complete, as whole as a person than she was when she was with Natasha even with all the fights and disagreements. The seventh month though. It’s like that happy little bubble she’s been living in has burst and something is terribly terribly wrong. 

“I love you but if we don’t have trust we don’t have anything.” A tear falls from her eyes without her permission. She begins to walk again but at a slower pace. 

“Ms. Potts!” Natasha calls after her before moving to follow.  
  
Pepper can hear the clicks of her heels as she follows. A sudden anger fills Pepper like a flame being ignited. Even now while they are alone Natasha can’t even say her first name. She turns around abruptly causing Natasha to stumble slightly in attempt to not knock her down. “Don’t you Ms. Potts me! I am on to you. We are all alone here. No one but me and you. Why can’t you say my name? What am I to you? What games are you playing? Whatever it is I want out.” 

Natasha is quiet do this. 

“I love you, you know I do. There isn’t a game at least not one that I’m aware of. I just... I trust you. I do. I don’t know what I can say or do to prove it to you.” Natasha takes a step forward, her eyes plead for her girlfriend to give her a chance to explain. “It’s hard. Words are hard. I want to come out to the world about our relationship, I do I’m just ...” 

Pepper steps back, glaring hard at the red head. “Is that why you think I’m mad? You think... I would be mad because we are keeping our relationship secret?” 

Natashas face morphs into a shocked look. “Is that not the reason?”  
  
“No that is not one hundred percent the reason I can’t do this anymore. Sure sometimes it sucks that I can’t grab you and kiss you whenever some ass is hitting on either of us or I can’t hold your hand or pet your hair when you look like you are having a bad day but I can live with that. Not to mention I hate when you call me Ms. Potts ALL the time but it’s something I can live with if that’s something you want.” 

“Than why are you mad? Why are you giving up on us... giving up on me?” 

“Why am I mad? Why am I one hundred percent done? You don’t trust me. You have never trusted me have you? You are hiding something big, something that has been causing you to flinch from me, avoid me, you avoid eye contact, you make up piss poor excuses, you’ve been staying out later without telling me where...” 

“I’M TRANS!!” Natasha shouts out, interrupting Pepper’s rant.

“I... uh.. you... what?” Pepper stumbles over her words unsure of what to think of Natasha’s outburst confession. She does nothing but stare, looking Natasha up and down not so subtly. 

“Honestly the worse thing you can do is stare.” 

Pepper snaps out of her silent assessment quickly. “I’m...”

“I’m not a freak. I am a female to male transvestite. I’m not a monster or a weirdo. When I’m out I go to a support group for people like me, I’ve been going to a therapist, and doctor appointments. When I flinch it’s because I’m ashamed of myself for lying to you. You are a proud and out lesbian and I’m ruining that by wanting to be a man. When I avoid eye contact it’s because I don’t feel worthy of looking you in your beautiful eyes, when I flinch it’s not because I’m afraid of you what you’ll do, I know you’d never hurt me physically, but for some reason I can’t help but think you’ll hurt me emotionally or mentally. Logically I know it’s stupid but I can’t help my reactions no matter how hard I try. I do trust you. Please believe me when I say I have always trusted you Pepper. I just... I am... I was... I didn’t have a good childhood or good ex’s in my life. The people I’ve told about my thoughts of transitioning ALWAYS reacted bad. I want to believe you won’t but I couldn’t shake the feeling of ‘What if’ no matter how hard I tried especially since I am going through with this with or without you.”

Natasha takes a shuddering deep breath, tears steadily flowing down her pale face. 

“I want to be a man. I have never felt right in this body. This Natasha person is not me. Never has been and never will be. I am so unhappy with this fake persona I have to adopt because society deemed me a woman at birth. I need to go through with this. I want to be happy. I ... I deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy to but I know you won’t be with me.”

A sob makes the rest of what she’s say ineligible.  
  
Pepper can’t help but feel like the lowest of low assholes. She did this. She got so caught up in her own feelings she failed to see her girlfriend breaking down on her own the last month and if she’s being honest probably way before the last month as well. 

Pepper walks to Natasha who is curled over and crying into her hands. She makes sure to make as much noise as possible so as not to startle her... him.   
Pepper didn’t want to startle him. “Natasha?” Pepper says quietly waiting until Natasha looks up. “May I touch you?” She questions voice still soft. 

Pepper holds her breath as she waits for her lover to answer. Each minute feels like an eternity but she’s patient. Years of working for Tony taught her that waiting was super important she was glad she had the practice. 

After about five minutes five or take Natasha gives a microscopic nod. So tiny that Pepper would have missed it had she not been paying attention. 

“Thank you.” She steps closer and brings her arms around the other. One hand stroking Natasha’s hair while the other rubs his back. When Natasha relaxes slowly but surely, Pepper starts to talk. 

“I’m so sorry. You have been going through the ringer this whole time and I’ve been so, so, so stupidly selfish. I guess this would be the best time to tell you... I’m not a lesbian. Shhh...” she says when she feels Natasha tense. “I’m not a lesbian. That’s just what the media dubbed me and I didn’t care to correct them. I am pansexual. I don’t care about gender. I care about personalities more than anything else. I can’t say that this will be an easy journey ahead but I am willing to make it with you. I want to be with you for the ride if you’ll have me. I’m sorry for what I said and for being an idiot. I’m sorry for yelling and for not trusting you. I will take as long as I need to prove to you that I am so sorry and that I love you no matter if you are a woman or man. You are still you. The person I love falling asleep next to, the person I love laughing with, the person I want to spend any and all of my time with if you’ll let me.” 

Half way through the speech, Natasha wraps his arms around Pepper and sobs into her chest. He doesn’t respond but Pepper keeps her actions soothing. 

Whatever happens, happens. For now they just now bask in each other’s comfort. They’ll deal with everything else tomorrow for now this is enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Join my amino to tell me how much you loved or hated it ! 
> 
> http://aminoapps.com/c/ShipsOfShield


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